Boss Needs Employees in Office to Stare Mindlessly at Computers Together
Despite a recent rise in remote work largely caused by the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020. Several employers are actually starting to pressure employees to come into the office. This may largely be due to wanting their multi million dollar leases on useless space to not go totally to waste.
A few employers have even gone as far as full mandated returns to office. “It’s not the same mindlessly staring my screen alone at home” one manager told Electable Nation. “I would much rather have the whole team together staring at that same document.”
“I am going to miss working from home, while being unproductive with work I have been able to get so many chores done. Now with the return imminent, I am going to have to sit at my desk to be unproductive instead.” said Tom, an employee.
Electable Nation staff took to asking a few employers what the productivity data showed. This is what we heard back.
“Productivity? Oh our output is higher than ever. But we are burning billions on unused office space.”, Google CEO
“I need code slaves within reach at all times to generate my whimsical ideas on demand. My employees, when remote, can ignore my calls or messages. I prefer to see them cower in person when I threaten their livelihood.”, Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla, Twitter, SpaceX and The Boring Company.
“The spirit of Steve Jobs will not allow me to mandate remote work. He was already extremely mad we permitted it for the pandemic. Productivity numbers are negligible.”, Tim Cook, Apple CEO.
“This is a new ridiculous trend spread by these ridiculous social media sites. Next step is to get rid of these damn computers everyone keeps saying to use.”, David Solomon, Goldman Sachs CEO.
“As you probably know the Amazon website is operated manually by engineers. The productivity of that is only half the issue. We simply need to keep harvesting our workers bodily fluids and the logistics of doing that remotely don’t quite work out.”, Andy Jassy, Amazon CEO
“Productivity totally has been slowed for some time. Someone has to come in to keep assembling these calculators.”, Rich Templeton, Texas Instruments CEO.