Miracle Stock Gains Today, From an Unbelievable Reason?


U.S. stocks posted major gains Thursday, logging their biggest one-day climb in two years, first impressions being this could be due to the midterm election results.

The S&P 500 rallied 5.5%, its biggest intraday gain since April 2020, while the Dow Jones Industrial Average jumped 1,200 points, or 3.7% The technology-heavy Nasdaq Composite advanced a whopping 7.4%, the largest climb since the previous dip in March 2020.

Other analysts attributed the possibility of this gains to better than average reports on inflation. However, Electable Nation insiders have a real scoop on this phenomena. A recent surplus of cocaine availability on trading floors has left dopamine overloaded traders eager to fire off trades. The past year has largely been uneventful in terms of stock profitability. This lackluster year has left now energized hands eager to pull the trigger on generally lower stock prices.

Drug traders on the street refused to comment on the matter, insisting that they are only present for “totally legal, legit reasons”.

This may come as a shock to outsider the financial industry is so influenced by drug trade. Our financial analysts reassure this is actually quite normal behavior. EN insiders would like to remind readers not to think too much into the impact of day to day drug availability and your portfolios.

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